hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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