nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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