I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize