I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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