I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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