I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize