My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
