I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
