I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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