I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
