Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize