youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
