pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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