Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
