im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
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