I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
