All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
