If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
