sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
