You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
