So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
