You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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