....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
