Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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