since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
