What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
