so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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