its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
