You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
