The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
