Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
