I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
