Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
