Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
