Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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