for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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