You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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