What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
