This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
