My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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