her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
