Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
