When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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