A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
