oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize