I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
