Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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