hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think I died a long time ago.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
