He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
