Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
