Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
