And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We named our party play list daddy issues
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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