Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He has the fingertips of a God
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