i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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