I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
