My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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