i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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