i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
