so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
