So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
