perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
