Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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