so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
