I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
